.png)
When I began to write about this, I was instantly struck by the many lines of thoughts that this topic would open up. I have an older sibling and my husband is one of three, however, we have a single child. We sat and discussed and revisited our reasons for it and, even today, our reasons sound rock solid to us. That’s when it dawned on me that eventually the decision to have a certain number of babies is deeply personal and often depending on individual experiences of parents during their own formative years.
A couple of generations ago nobody thought much about three or four or even five children in a household. Conversations did not center around the number of children the couple wanted. Children were accepted as a Divine gift and, what we today term as ‘Family Planning ’, was a non-existent phenomenon. Large joint families including grandparents, sometimes great grandparents, were integral in the societal hierarchy and formed an immediate support system to rear and nurture the fast growing brood of young ones. And of course, the birth of a son and heir took priority in most households.
Then one generation passed and most urban houses started becoming two children homes. Topics that weren’t discussed earlier like economic viability, education, limited resources began to gain momentum and importance.
Cut to current times and the newer set of parents, the decision to have a second child has assumed monumental importance. There are reasons – personal, professional and on a wider scale, universal – that affect their decision. We live in a world currently, that is unstable, uncertain and frankly unnerving. With no clear path ahead, the only certain knowledge we do have is that our resources are limited and our earth is slowly and surely changing.
Of course, when we think about our children or would be children, it is our heart that has the larger role than our minds.
More often than not, we take decisions that are sentimental and influenced by external forces than practical and suited to our needs. So, to address that very emotional topic of whether to go for a second child or not, we have listed the pros and cons to consider before making that weighty decision.
Pros of having a second baby
Company
With more gadgets than ever before and the extraordinarily busy lives we lead, especially in metropolitan cities, with both parents working, a second child could be a boon as the siblings will find a companion, playmate and friend in each other. They will enjoy this unique relationship and experience the extreme emotional roller-coaster ride that is a part of this equation. Of course, as they grow older they will also look after each other long after the parents are no more.
The older one learns to be responsible
Depending on what is the age difference between the two siblings, the older one can help in looking after the new born. From simple things like fetching the bottle, or helping in giving the younger one a bath to helping them with their homework or teaching them when needed are all automatic lessons in responsibility bearing. It also encourages selfless behaviour and team playing attitude in the older child. The younger sibling learns the value of asking, respecting and in some instances even deferring to their older brother or sister. Also, the younger child will imbibe all of the values he or she observes in their older sibling. All these are great lessons that they both learn with minimal input from parents.
Valuable Life Lessons
Two siblings growing up in the same home will learn the value of sharing possessions, helping each other, working in tandem and conflict resolution before they start attending school. Other vital life lessons like empathy and developing emotional intelligence are huge benefits to having a second child.
Familial Support System
As the siblings grow and start on their own individual paths of life, they will always have each other to fall back on in times of crisis, distance not-withstanding. Such a knowledge is a huge emotional support and will inspire confidence between them.
Pros as a Parent
If you are not like me, then you will be happy that you get to do it all over again. You will experience all the first times with your second baby that you treasured with your older one. And, of course, you can re-use and recycle clothes, toys and other knick-knacks that you didn’t know what to do with.
With all these arguments endorsing the birth of a second child, there are equally compelling reasons for couples to not opt for one. The decision, of course, relies on what is of consequence to you as a couple.
Cons for considering a second child
Fatigue
Let’s start with the most obvious one – you will have to do it all over again. Depending on the age difference between the two, you will be that much older and may not want to go through the entire process one more time. It is tiring to look after one toddler and having a second one will increase the fatigue.
Career Break
If you are a working couple and very much career-oriented, you may not want to take a break to become a stay-at-home parent. Two children require undivided attention and a lot of involvement as they grow. So, if you aren’t prepared to step back from your career it might be wise to not consider a second child.
Finances
A second child is going to stretch your budgets. Expenses for an infant are high and will increase as education, clothing and extra-curricular activities intrude as they grow. You may find yourself cutting back on life-style expenses like luxury holidays or meals at fine-dine restaurants to start meeting essential expenditure.
Space
Did you just think 'A baby is tiny!' Yes, they are tiny and then the grow. A baby with his toys will need her space as the older one will also need space. If you are living in a small flat, you need to consider even this trivial thing.
Support System
As a nuclear family, your immediate familial support system may not be close by or living in a different country. You can, of course, depend on friends to a certain extent but, pretty much, you will end up going through the process yourself. This might mean compromising or even sacrificing time that you want to probably spend on yourself or with friends.
Cons as a Couple
I am sure I do not need to expand on this but just to put it out there, two young children will not allow any time for you to spend together. They will demand your time, attention and will exhaust you leaving you ready to just sleep and get fresh and ready to do it all over again.
These are the points to consider seriously if you are thinking of an addition to your family. As I mentioned earlier, this decision is a hugely emotional one. But, on a serious note, consider the practicalities with sincerity. It would not be fair to yourself or to the child if you give in to your emotional needs immediately and live to resent the aftermath.
At team Coco Bear, it is our constant endeavour to bring articles to you discussing topics that are important to the healthy growth of our children. Hopefully, this article has given you some insights to consider as you try to decide on growing your family.