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It’s a whole new dynamic introducing a new arrival to your elder baby. As the family construct is about to change, there could be a few bumps on the road especially, if your kid is less than 3 years.
So, here are a few hacks to sail you smoothly.
If your baby is less than 2 years these may not be of much help, but once they are of a stage where they understand, it’s better that you start preparing them from the time your tummy starts showing up. You can tell them that there’s a teeny weeny baby in there and even better make them feel the movements. Kids love it! You can even get an access to a book which features the arrival, sibling love, how they can play together and be best friends.
The prep for hospital visit
It would also be better if you could prepare your baby that you will be going to the hospital and come back with a new baby and they have to stay with grandma until they come. Role play doctor and patient who has to go to the hospital!
Involving them
Then start involving the elder on in chores revolving around the baby. Praise them when they do something for the baby. Kids love applause, you clap and they will do the chore all over again. A ‘big brother/sister’ t shirt will make them proud too.
Give bonding time under your supervision where they can touch and even hold the baby, gives a sense of responsibility to them. And when the new born is asleep, make sure that you spend some quality time with the elder one.
Give them the Responsibility
One trick I learnt from my cousin was that she made the elder one responsible for the younger one. The elder one was told - You are my baby and the younger, new arrival is your baby! And voila! The elder one was so excited to get his baby and was responsible for the younger one almost instinctively.
How to spot jealousy in your elder one
Most of the times, it will be tantrums, especially when the new born needs attending or even when you look a bit relaxed. At times, the elder one even hits the baby or starts refusing to eat, etc.He won't bond with the baby and stays aloof all the time, observing what you are doing, especially when around the baby.
He may also become extra clingy, even when the new born isn’t around.
does stuff and waits for your approval, trust me approval does make them smile and proud.
And as described above, you can make the baby bond with the sibling.
This is how we did it!
Daddy took over
As the new baby will be clinging on to me, we made our elder child dependent on the dad.
He used to make the baby sleep, take her out to play etc. So the child was comfortable beforehand and wasn’t taken by a surprise, when the baby was home. We also prepared the elder one in sleeping in her new bed, so the transition was smooth.
Role play
With baby carriers and slings, we bought a miniature carrier for her. So, when I wore the baby in a carrier she used to role play a lot.
Delaying potty training
The elder one wasn’t ready for potty training before the delivery, so we didn’t push her immediately and gave 3 months gap before we restarted training.That took the pressure off from both me and the elder one. We took our sweet time to adjust to the new changes.
Yes there will be tantrums, yes there will be jealousy, and yes it’s all a lot on the new mom as well. We need to remember that the child hasn’t even started acknowledging her own feelings and we are sharing their love towards another tiny tot. Of course, we know how much we love them but for them it’s all their attention shared.
So a prior preparation and few changes can help the new mom retain some sanity!
Hope that helps!!
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