Talking to my 3-year old about body safety

We all know the statistics. All of us are even aware about the fact that most of the times the child abusers are relatives, family friends and people the child generally know. So yes, the need to protect our children is real and we need to start talking about body safety at young age too.

But, how do you start? What do you say? Let's decode this one by one.

What to reinforce when you talk to a baby?

You can start as young as 1 year old. You have to inculcate the idea that the child is the boss of his/her own body. She may not talk. You say - "(child's name) is the boss of her body" Use gestures.

Teach her that secrets are bad and never to keep anything from you even if someone very close to you had asked to keep it a secret.

They should never be forced for anything and they can say ‘No’ if they don’t like it.

What can you do to ensure safety?

As a parent, you have to always be vigilant. Always keep an eye on your kid, if the child is suddenly being distant or withdrawn or distressed.

See, if the child gets uncomfortable on the arrival of certain people. Never have a bias over someone if the child expresses discomfort and that may include even your spouse.

Talk it out the very instant you feel something’s wrong.

Give a trusting assurance and don’t blame the kid for anything. (that may shut them out from revealing anything further)

A few kids are naturally distant, they don’t like touching or hugging, never force them to do so, against their will. Respect their privacy.

Child abuse is more prevalent than we thought, and this may seem paranoia but trust no one when it comes to your child’s safety. The psychological effects of the abuse may lead to mental health problems, starting from childhood itself.As a parent it’s our duty to safe guard our child and you can start teaching them as early as 3 years sometimes even early too.

How to communicate with the kid?

Remember, these are frequent conversations. Small doses of information. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Create a safe space for the kid to communicate and always talk in a gentle, calm voice.

Use appropriate words to name the body parts.

You have to explain them that the safe touch makes them happy like hugging you or a gentle peck on the cheek. And only mamma and dada can do it.And an unsafe touch can even be through the clothes, but makes them feel uncomfortable or even scared.

For all practical purposes, don’t make kissing on the lips a thing, even if the baby is small.

You can use the swim suit rule to explain to the baby the areas of unsafe touch.

You can even role play to teach the child.

This is how we did it!

Practically speaking, it’s a bit difficult to inculcate the idea in 3year olds, not all have the maturity to understand. We started with some grounds rules at home ever since she was born.

Strictly no kissing on the lips by either of the parents.

And we reinforced the same when she came to kiss us on the lips, she doesn’t now!

And when I was teaching the body parts I also made her learn ‘vulva’ (the actual medical term for external genitalia) she also knows what it’s called in our mother tongue. The idea is to normalise the genital area. Just like we name legs, knees etc we name the ‘vulva’ with equal ease.

Plus, I taught her the swim suit rule for easy teaching.

Also as the both my kids are small, I haven’t trusted them with any nanny or any relative so far even for baby-sitting.

You must also keep in mind that abuse can happen to boys too. It’s not just for girls. Every child is equally susceptible.

I remember my mom asking me what all happened in the school, what the teacher said and how he/she behaved with us.It all felt like she was interested, turns out she had abuse in mind and it was her subtle way of enquiry.

Abuse can happen anywhere, to anyone. Don’t think it happens in only low socio-economic people.It's not richness that matters rather ‘lust and character’ that matters. We have had many cases where even grand parents, school bus drivers, high school girls abusing kindergarten boys, a regular home visitor or a neighbour has been involved.

Don’t think ‘child abuse is a millennial problem’. It has always been there, we weren’t aware enough.

Remember a small precaution today, can save a lifetime of therapy for your kid.