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Your cute-as-a-button 2 year old asks for a candy in the check-out line at a hyper-market. You say no. What follows is a parental nightmare with your little one exploding into a screaming crying heap while capturing the attention of all your fellow shoppers. Sounds familiar ? Once, I even had the guy behind me give me unwanted advice and telling me to let go and just buy the candy. I remember being more irritated with him than my daughter and telling him to mind his own business.
Even though it is a normal part of growing up and a temporary phase, it can feel overwhelming and never ending. While there isn’t any instant fix solution, this transitional period in your toddler’s life can be made easy. This toddler stage isn’t just a difficult and awkward time to get through as fast as possible. In fact, it is an important rite of passage, a period of essential emotional, mental, intellectual and motor development in his life. Understanding just what changes the toddler is going through at this time can help you cope and deal with their seemingly mercurial behaviour calmly with confidence and ease.
There are Naughty Monsters involved!
Your little Coco Bear has just turned two. He can understand much more speech than he can express. This factor is a huge contributor to emotions and behaviour that is difficult for parents and caregivers to interpret. In fact, his frequent mood changes can result in overblown temper tantrums, screaming, biting, kicking or running away from you. He is at a curious juncture where he is struggling with his reliance on you and his desire for independence. He is eager to explore and do things on his own and at the same time discovering that he is expected to follow certain rules. This difficulty in his normal development can lead to frustration and defiant behaviour. It is almost as if there are naughty monsters in his head, egging him on towards aggressive and sometimes destructive behaviour. However, responding in kind will only aggravate his temper and reinforce aggression as an acceptable means of communication. Instead, take a step back and remind yourself that your child isn’t doing this with the sole aim of defiance. It is just his way of communicating without possessing the skills to do so. He is simply emulating behaviour patterns that will likely get him the attention he wants.
Yes Coco!
This book offers an insightful guide on the best way to negotiate your path through this trying time in your child’s life. While you read and show this colourful book to your toddler, here are a few tried and tested tips.
Be Calm and Consistent
First of all take a deep breath. After all your toddler is only two. He looks up to you for guidance and most importantly, consistence. If he sees you relaxed and calm the possibility of his frustration turning into a full blown temper tantrum will decrease. The less invested and upset you get, the quicker the storm will pass. If you are in a public place, walk to a quiet corner, respond calmly and firmly. Be with him till he quietens down.
Be Crafty - Plan errands around nap time
It can get pretty nasty if you want to stroll around the Mall window shopping, while your toddler is very sleepy because it is his regular nap time. Ensure you plan your outings or errands around the Nap time and your toddler will be less likely to be cranky. Also carry a healthy snack and/or a drink so he will have something to nibble on if he gets hungry.
Avoid Boredom
Come up with creative and age appropriate solutions to keep your little Coco Bear engaged. One simple solution my mother taught me was to mix some big pulses in a bowl (Rajma, White Flat Beans, Chhole, etc) and sit with your toddler to separate them in different bowls. This is an engaging game as you can teach him colours, shape and basic counting. I used to spend more than an hour with my daughter, especially in the afternoons, playing this game.
Redirect
It is very tempting to go into a lengthy and protracted explanation about why your child’s behaviour was unacceptable when he misbehaves. The truth is that he will not understand your well-meaning lecture. I remember once I worked up enough steam and got into a long monologue at my daughter who was all of two and a half years. After about fifteen minutes of letting off steam I ended my tirade with – ‘Do you understand how you behaved?’ Imagine my utter and complete shock when my daughter just shook her head while looking at me with wide and confused eyes! I learnt a hard lesson that day. You are better off trying to redirect your child’s attention to something else. He will shift his focus from whatever is bothering him and you will breathe easy.
Reword
Avoid using strong negative words like ‘no’, ‘don’t’, ‘can’t’ etc. Instead reword and rephrase your sentences to, what I call, a ‘Happy Language’. For example when your toddler is getting ready to tear the newspaper lying on the table. Your immediate reaction is to snatch the paper away from him while shouting a firm ‘No’. Try replacing that with a – ‘Darling please give that newspaper to daddy.’ You will suddenly see your toddler’s face split in a big smile while he hands the paper to his father. While you have avoided a disagreeable situation, you have imparted a life skill to your toddler – negotiating.
Every kid tests his boundaries - Don’t give in
Testing boundaries is a normal part of your child’s development. If you give in to your child’s demands every time he throws a tantrum he will understand that as the most effective way to get his way. It will only get harder for you next time. Stand firm and resolute but calm and eventually the message will sink in.
In general, toddlers are happiest when you stick to a routine with them. That said, they are also learning to test boundaries and assert independence. They are like sponges absorbing everything around them that will shape their character and build them into adults. It is at this time that we, as parents and caregivers, lay the foundation to help them grow into strong, well-balanced (emotionally and mentally) and healthy human beings.
So continue to help your little Coco Bear grow with positivity with the help of our very colourful books – in this instance – ‘Yes Coco’
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