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It’s been a couple of months since the we woke up to this pandemic. Driven indoors, we are all facing harsh realities of salary cuts, job loss, business shut-downs. Our struggles have been real, affecting us economically and emotionally, disturbing our physical and mental health.
To cap this all, schools are shut and most likely they will remain so for the foreseeable future. With young children at home, most of us are trying various methods of keep our children engaged. In this non-stop endeavour, I think, we are missing the biggest lesson that our children are teaching us right now, amidst the lockdown.
Children come into this world programmed for love and resilience. They come pre-programmed to live stress-free and find happiness in the smallest of things. I want to share a small personal story with you.
I, the all - knowing mother!
When my daughter was born, the adult in me took over as the all-knowing mother. I, instinctively, knew and understood my newborn’s needs. Let’s face it – She slept most of the time, couldn’t move around too much and her needs weren’t very complicated. It was either feed or clean or at best colic. I spent the next year in a whirlpool of caregiving, nursing and day-dreaming of all the things that I could teach my little one.
As time went on, she began schooling and learning new things every day. Until that day when the school asked the parents to write a letter to our children, listing all the things that we had learnt from her. This letter, was to be attached to the final report card as a special gift as she graduated from pre-primary to middle school.
The Role Reversal
We had about a week to send in this letter and thought it would be easy enough to write. Sure of my expertise, I put it off until the last day only to realise it wasn’t so mundane a task after all. I remember we were awake till the wee hours of the morning. It was as if great new vistas of understanding were opening up to us. The sheer magnitude of what she had brought to our lives, taught us and expanded our worlds was impossible to put into words. Till then, we had never ever thought about what she had taught us. That day, and I don’t know how, we managed to write a short letter that we later sent to school. It still lies stored in her files with her other report cards that we take out sometimes and read. It remains one of our most prized possessions.
What we wrote that day has never held truer than today. I will attempt to share what we learnt from her and how it is guiding us especially in today’s troubled times.
Empathy & Understanding
These days on a scale of 1 to 10, our stress levels are at 15! This stress easily escalates to irritation which shows up as snappy responses and a certain amount of overreaction to everyday issues. Being at home all the time, children observe and understand all this much more than we give them credit for. How else can you explain the willingness to help in house chores, or that whispered ‘I love you’ accompanied by a fierce hug, or that calm and quiet response to your sudden snappy retort to some ‘inane’ question that is asked? Right there, staring you in your face is empathy, compassion and understanding. No questions asked. No explanations required.
Be in a continuous state of learning
Just leave a toddler by himself at home and watch the world through his eyes as he goes on a mission to explore everything within sight and reach. Notice his eagerness to learn! He is telling you to keep your cup refreshed and your curiosity brimming. Learn new skills, develop new interests, try a different perspective (“Dont call it zaadu pocha, call it lock down workout”), broaden your mind. All wordlessly said.
Live in the Present
As mothers, we are natural worriers... did our child finish the tiffin? Are they copping well in school? What career path they will choose? Will we be able to save enough for a college education abroad? And in these times we worry about all the things in the world which are not in our control as well. It seems like the weight of the world in on your shoulders. Children, don't worry about the future. They are delighted to just eat pizza now. Or just watch their favourite cartoon now. You can read many books that talk about 'Living in the Present'. But, you learn by seeing your kids put tit to practice on a daily basis.
Adaptablity
In our arrogant adulthood and our ideals as parents, we feel we provide safety and security to our children. And we do – to a certain extent. Our biggest learning, however, is coming from them.They are walking through these tough times with an easy gait. With the idea of normalcy being redefined and everyday lives are adjusting to new routines, our children are embracing this change with elan unquestioningly.
My neighbour’s 8 year old son waved at me from his balcony last week where I was drying clothes.I asked him about school. He looked at me with barely concealed excitement and launched into a detailed explanation about how he is loving this idea of online schooling and how it’s allowing him more free time to pursue what he likes to do! He has discovered that he loves to fiddle around with various electronics and understand how they work. We might have an electronics engineer genius in the making! Do you get what I am trying to say? They are teaching you to adapt to change. Who moved your cheese? Does it matter? Adapt. Have faith that things will work out. Faith that there is an underlying sense of goodness in everything that happens.
Unconditional Love
I remember a time when my 3-year-old had to leave for school and I was burning up with fever. She came to me with her favourite soft toy – a white colour teddy bear she had named Whitey – and gave it to me.She told me that Whitey will keep me company and take care of me while she is at work.I think I had melted into a puddle on the floor.
In the last two months, she has voluntarily taken on household responsibilities – of course, the ones that she finds the easiest to do – but that does take away some of the jobs from me. Absolute and unconditional love. My 4 year old niece calls me every other day just to ask me what is cooked and what is everyone doing and when am I going to visit her. I hear her unspoken love. Not by words but by action.
With schools opening on the online platform and learning goes digital, I am sure there are technologically challenged people like me, who look at this world with trepidation and fear. This is where our children are our biggest teachers. Observe them as they patiently put in time and effort in learning new applications, upgrade their organizational skills and don’t roll their eyes at us when we don’t get it as fast as them.
My biggest lesson has come in the form of a revelation. An understanding that as we grow up, we surround ourselves with so many boundaries – be it cultural, traditional, familial, societal, ideological or any of the other hundreds that we form ideas and opinions that are rigid and completely unhelpful. Children are like flowing rivers, skimming over life’s rocks, making pathways around blockages and gently but firmly and continuously flowing without boundaries.
As the days unfold towards an uncertain future let us all break through our shackles and learn to explore and learn new things, connect with each other and just like children fill ourselves with faith of better things to come.
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